Watching a loved one suffer is heartbreaking; it’s natural to feel compelled to help. Many people believe helping someone means sharing their burdens, which can be physically, emotionally and mentally draining. I’m sharing a few of my life preserving energy tips when the need to set boundaries arises.
Understand your own energetic needs
How well do you know your own energy? Do you know what situations trigger you and how to navigate them? It never hurts to make a list of all of your personal triggers and the feelings associated with them in order to set limits. If you don’t know your triggers you won’t know your limits. Anger and resentment build when we don’t understand our own energetic needs. Allow yourself the opportunity to dig into your emotions.
Feel your feelings
If someone triggers you, which can happen A LOT around major holidays, know that it’s necessary and normal to feel your feelings. Pushing something down or to the side only delays the inevitable blow up. If you are unable to process the emotions in the moment, be sure to set an appointment with your emotions for release at a later date. We aren’t always able to scream from the top of our lungs or journal in the exact moment that our feelings come over us and that’s ok! I’m simply suggesting that you set aside time to feel all the feelings and then create a healthy alliance so that they next time they come around they don’t take you down.
Be WITH not FOR
Do you have the kind of personality that generally tries to fix everyone? STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. You can’t fix anyone. You can provide a ton of support to a person simply by being there WITH them and not doing anything FOR them. When people move their own emotions they have a much deeper understanding and respect for how to work with them the next time they come up. Sometimes simply listening and not providing feedback (unless they have requested) can be the greatest gift we give another human.
Give yourself permission to ask for support
In my world, there is no shame in asking for support. We all have unique talents, gifts and abilities for a reason. We’ve been brought together to help one another. We can all use a little guidance and support from someone who has more experience, more wisdom and more expertise. Seeking therapy, council and healing from a non-judgemental person is invaluable and a very brave thing to accept. I’m also not ashamed to say that I ask for support from the Universe, Spirit and my ancestors.
As the saying goes, you can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first. Try taking a bath, journaling or going for a hike to recalibrate your nervous system and nourish your soul. When triggers get you into a state of depletion it can look like sugar cravings or just plain exhaustion. Take the time you need to refill your tank. You’re worth it!
Know when to walk away
There are no hard and fast rules that say you have to keep a relationship. Know that you have the right to disengage from toxic people and situations. If a relationship is challenging and you want to set it on the right track, consider using a method such as Non-Violent Communication to state your needs and move forward.
Remember, you are human. You probably will not always remember to protect your energy or to take care of yourself. We aren’t robots programmed to follow strict guidelines and rules infallibly. You will at some point find yourself in pain, in resentment and spinning out of control. The best medicine you can give yourself is forgiveness, love and patience. Dive right back into your self-care practice and stay the course.
If you have questions about energetic boundaries and how this relates to the well-being of your home, I’d love to set-up a free 15 min. phone consultation with you! Simply send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.